I've been feeling ridiculously self-conscious about my love for gardening, ever since a friend checked in on me asking me how I was doing. I told him I was great. I happily shared that I'm finishing graduate school and that I've recently started a little wild flower / herb garden and I'm loving it. He immediately asked if I still baked, followed by a mockish LOL and before I had a chance to reply, he asked if other than grad school and gardening what's interesting in my life. But before I could answer, he cut me off with the excuse of being very busy, ending his pretence of 'catching up'.
I was left feeling boring and small. And it kept me thinking for days... Trying to understand why I should feel ashamed of enjoying a meagerly activity like gardening (or baking)...
And then I looked back at the last time I saw this friend face-to-face. It was a humid summer night, I was wearing a flowy summer dress - which I wore because it was considered fashionable, not because felt it was my usual style. We went out for dinner and drinks. I had known him for years but our time spent together that night felt like "a job interview" - He had an opinion about everything I wore and said. He approved the watch I was wearing. He stopped me mid-sentence to ask me if I could repeat the way I said "women" because he couldn't quite pin-point my 'accent'. He thought the the bills and coins that inhabited my wallet was outdated, 'do people still carry cash?' , he even called up a few friends that were in the area so they could observe me.
Now that I really think about it, I can't believe I'm let him gest into my head, making me feel small for the simples things that bring me joy?
If I were in in a city like... say San Francisco. And if I was given the choice to either:
A. Have a meal with this friend at the fanciest restaurant in the city, or
B. Spend an afternoon with an iguana in the Golden Gate Garden,
I know right away that the experience that would linger as a happy memory would be the latter.
On a similar note, I uninstalled Instagram from my phone a couple days ago and it's... strangely made me more feeling more eager to reach for my phone ever since.